


Under the same Sun

by dracopetal



Category: Tomb Raider & Related Fandoms, Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Nightmares, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Post Yamatai, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slightly - Freeform, Therapy, in fact there's like one reference to rise, pre rise of the tomb raider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracopetal/pseuds/dracopetal
Summary: Lara isn't really okay after Yamatai. That's okay, because neither is Sam.
Relationships: Lara Croft/Samantha Nishimura
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	Under the same Sun

**Author's Note:**

> this only sort of follows canon after yamatai, there's a couple of hints to rise, but obvi as Sam doesn't appear it's technically an au!

Croft Manor. 2014.

Today was Tuesday, and Tuesday was therapy. 

Lara’s mind was empty as she went through the motions of her morning, as blank as the untouched therapy journal that sat collecting dust at the bottom of her bedside cabinet.

Crawl out of bed. Shower. Wear something clean enough that it doesn’t smell of sweat. Nibble on something. Wait for Dr Heath to arrive. Bullshit your way through a session.

Dr Heath was, as per usual, on time. He arrived at ten thirty sharp with his beige briefcase in hand, shaking off droplets of the February rain.

“So,” he began once he and Lara were sitting opposite each other in the mostly unused drawing room, “how have you been, Lara?”

Lara shrugged. “Fine, I suppose.”

“That’s good to hear. I know you’re not one for small talk, so I’ll jump straight back to where we left off. Last week we were beginning to discuss some of the… the more violent events that occurred on the island. Do you think we could revisit that? I've got a note here about a Russian man…?”

“Vladimir. You mean Vladimir. The one who… who tried to rape me. What do you want to know?” As she spoke, Lara could envision herself back there, to one of many horrifying moments on Yamatai, wherein she truly thought she was about to die. The naked terror of being caught, shivering as she walked out to him with her hands tied, feeling like a rabbit about to succumb to the jagged jaws of a fox, came flooding back. She could feel his heavy body pressing against her, and the acrid smell of unwashed flesh filled her nostrils. The drawing room vanished and she was back _there_.

“ _You’re pretty aren't you? You remind me of my sister.”_ She had known enough Russian to understand what he had muttered in her ear, and that made it ever so much more sickening. What had happened to his sister? Lara didn’t believe in god, but she had prayed that she was safe and had never set foot on Yamatai. She knew what had happened if she ever had. Burnt at the stake, like an accused witch, just like Sam -

“Lara?” 

Lara jerked, breathing hard, blinking her way back to reality. Oh. She wasn’t on Yamatai anymore. Vladimir was dead. She had killed him _(the first of many men. How many, Lara?)_. She was in her living room, and Dr Heath was sitting across from her, looking mildly concerned. 

“Lara, can we discuss Vladimir, and what he did? Is that alright?” 

Lara shrugged again. “Why does it matter? He’s dead.”

Dr Heath paused, and seemed to be carefully choosing his words. After a few moments he seemed to have chosen. 

“Lara, sharing trauma with another can take much of the burden away from you. I understand that it may be difficult, but it truly is beneficial in the long run. I’ve had many cases like you who had suffered through immense trauma -”

Lara laughed harshly, an unwelcome sound. She didn’t recognise it. “Oh, you get a lot of cases like mine, do you? I don’t think you do understand, _Doctor_. I killed him. Vladimir. He tried to rape me, and I shot him. And then I went on to kill hundreds. I’d like to meet one of your patients that’s like me.”

Dr Heath swallowed. His patience was running as thin as the hair on his head.

“Have you spoken to any of the other survivors? Jonah or Joslin?” 

Lara turned away and gave him nothing.

“What about Sam Nishimura? You’ve indicated that you were rather close before Yamatai.”

Lara walked out, and left him to shuffle through his papers. Alone.

To say that Lara missed Sam was an understatement of great magnitude. Before Yamatai, Sam had been everything to Lara. Sam was her best friend, the one person she could tell everything (there were some things that were too sensitive for even Roth to know). Ever since their first meeting at University, Lara had latched onto her. Sam had been her first in more ways than one: first friend, first roommate, first… _lover_. 

The word had felt awkward on her tongue before Yamatai, but now it felt too soft. How could such a gentle word be used to describe Lara Croft?

Now alone in her childhood bedroom, Lara dialled Sam’s number, and listened as the ringtone ran out and Sam’s voicemail played.

“Hey, it’s Sam! I’m probably super busy right now, so just text me or just drop an email! Catch you later!”

Sam was ignoring her. Sam didn’t want to speak to her. Sam didn’t want to see her. Lara knew Sam wouldn’t pick up, but hearing Sam’s voicemail grounded Lara. If she closed her eyes she could sometimes pretend that she existed before Yamatai, or that they never found the island, and Lara was still working on her research and was just calling her to ask for some more crisps from Tesco's, and the only reason Sam wouldn’t answer was because her phone was on silent.

Lara rang the number again, desperate to hear her voice just one last time. And this would be the last time - Sam didn’t want to see her, and that was fine. Lara could live with that. She would just listen to the voicemail one more time and then move on. 

What was one more white lie?

There was a click, and then Lara heard Sam’s voice. It wasn’t her cheerful voicemail, Sam’s voice was fragile.

“... Lara?” Sam paused, and Lara swallowed. She had wanted so desperately for Sam to answer the phone, and now she had and Lara had no idea what to say to her.

“Lara, are you there?” 

“I miss you.” Lara whispered. There was a pause on the other end.

“Me too.”

“Do you want to meet?”

The first time Lara saw Sam since Yamatai was in a small, warm coffee shop in a quiet corner of Surrey, only a short drive from Croft Manor. Lara’s hands trembled on the steering wheel. They were still trembling when she opened the door of the cosy little coffee shop. 

Lara’s eyes darted around, looking for Sam. For a moment she thought that Sam might have stood her up, but then saw a pale face with dark hair in the corner, sitting hunched over a table next to an unused fireplace. Lara’s heart was pounding.

She took the chair opposite Sam, who hadn’t looked up, and was staring intently at the pretty fairy-lights decorating the mantelpiece, but Lara knew that her presence had been noted. 

Lara didn’t know where to start. She had always been a little awkward in conversations, a little introverted. Perhaps it was a product of her lonely childhood. On the Endurance, Sam had broken the ice with the other crew members. Lara could talk for days about the history of Yamatai, but with small talk Lara struggled to keep up. Sam had done the talking for her.

Lara was still searching for something to say when a woman with grey-streaked hair and a polka-dot apron came over to their table. She handed them their drinks: a cappuccino for Sam and a hot chocolate topped with cream and cherries for Lara, and a square of caramel shortbread for both of them. 

“I asked for extra cream on yours, you always liked it like that…” said Sam, once the woman had left.

Lara twisted her hot drink in her cold hands. “Thanks... I… how have you been, Sam?”

Sam took a gulp of her drink, and Lara internally winced at the burn she must have felt, though she didn’t show it. She turned to look at Lara properly, and Lara recognised the dark purple bags under her eyes, the pale skin and the haunted expression from her own reflection. 

“Was that a stupid question?” She tried to give a chuckle to ease the tension. It came out like a sob.

“Do you ever feel like you’re not real?” Sam whispered. “I keep thinking that I died. I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't move. . . I keep thinking that I wasn’t Himiko’s successor and that I really did burn to death on that stake. . . or she took over my body. . . or one of the Solarii shot me when we escaped. You’re always there, you know? Watching me be burned at the stake. . . screaming when you couldn’t stop Himiko’s soul from possessing me, or crying over my body. It’s always me dying, but I feel like a ghost, stuck watching my death over and over.”

Lara hopelessly tried to think of something to say. 

“I. . . I dream of Himiko too, that I failed and you were gone, and I couldn’t get you back.” She confessed. It was more of a confession than she had ever made to her therapist.

Sam nibbled her shortbread. “I thought I was gone. Himiko. . . she did possess me. Only for a few seconds. . . but she was there. Sometimes I don’t think she really left.”

It was like an alarm had gone off in Lara’s head. “What do you mean?”

Sam shrugged.

“Sometimes I just feel like I’m not myself. . . I think things that I don’t think are my thoughts. . . I get so angry I feel like I’m going to snap. But, well, my therapist thinks it’s paranoia and just regular PTSD.”

“What else do you dream about, Lara?”

“. . . Sometimes it’s that Himiko took you over completely. But I keep dreaming of Vladimir, he was the first man I… you know, I dream that I didn’t do it. Sometimes he just shoots me in the head and then I wake up, but sometimes he actually. . . sometimes I can’t free myself to even get his gun and he actually. . .” 

Lara started when Sam’s cold hand reached across the table and clutched hers.

“I get it, sweetie.” It was the first time Lara had been called ‘sweetie’ in months, and despite the despair she so regularly felt, she also felt a small seed of warmth in her stomach.

“Sometimes I just dream that the wound where I got stabbed gets infected and I die from that, which is a bit pathetic, really.”

Sam’s shoulders jolted, and Lara thought that she was crying, but then she let out a snort and Lara realised that she was laughing. 

“Sorry, sweetie but. . . out of everything that would just be your luck.” She was still smiling. 

They settled in an easy silence as they ate and drank. It reminded Lara of university, when she and Sam would find a quiet coffee shop where they could study together for hours, despite having very different degrees. 

“I’m sorry I never called you back.” Sam said suddenly. Lara shrugged.

“It’s fine. I get it.” Lara didn’t, actually.

“No, it’s not fine. You… Lara you saved my life. I’d be dead a hundred times without you. We only survived at all because of you.”

“Well, we wouldn’t have even found that island if it wasn’t for me!” She snapped.

That silenced Sam. They went back to their drinks, the silence now uncomfortable. Sam finished hers first, and waited for Lara to be done. Lara wondered if she was trying to think of an excuse to leave. 

“I missed you, Lara. I missed what we used to be.” Sam wasn’t looking at Lara, instead had gone back to staring intently at the mantelpiece.

“I miss you too, sweetie.” Lara murmured.

  
Exactly a fortnight after she met up with Sam in the coffee shop, Lara moved out of Croft Manor and into a small flat in London. Number 212. 

Ana had practically begged her to stay in the old building, but Lara just couldn’t. She needed to move on. She needed to grow up and take care of herself. Ana disproved even more when she learned that Lara was going to stop seeing her therapist.

“Lara, darling, you need Doctor Heath! He’s one of the best in the field!” Ana had cried. She had said even more, but Lara had just ignored her. She didn’t even feel guilty about it.

Lara had been keeping in touch with Sam via text, although their conversations were far more formal than they had been before, both of them walking on eggshells around each other. Sam had agreed to come round and help sort out the flat, and Lara was waiting for her, surrounded by boxes and without a clue as to where to start. 

There was a knock on the front door, and Sam peeked her head round. 

“Oh, I’m glad I got the right one. I know you said 212, but I’m so forgetful now that I was worried I might walk into some strangers' flat.” Sam’s voice was a bit too high to be normal.

“Are you okay? You seem a bit…” Lara trailed off. Sam laughed, almost hysterically, and began to hurriedly open up the boxes at their feet. Lara swallowed.

“Sam, I think -”

“I’m fine! There’s nothing wrong with me!” Sam shouted. Lara flinched, loud noises always did that to her now.

“Fuck, Lara, I’m sorry… I should go.” 

Lara grasped her elbow as she turned to leave, desperate to make her stay and talk. Something was wrong, and Lara needed to know what it was.

She wasn’t expecting Sam to throw her arms around her and sob.

“There’s something wrong with me, Lara. I just want to go back to normal. I want to be _normal_!” Sam sobbed. Lara felt guilt overcome her.

_It’s your fault they ended up on the island, it’s your fault, it’s all your fault!_

“I know, Sam. I’m sorry, it’s my fault we ended up on Yamatai. I’m sorry.” Lara felt herself start to cry too, and they held each other in Lara’s new flat, and cried with the front door wide open (Lara really hoped she didn't have neighbours that were too nosy).

Eventually Sam sniffed. 

“You know it’s not really your fault we ended up on the island. I wanted to find Yamatai too, and Himiko is my ancestor, not yours.” She said. It didn’t really make Lara feel any better, after the tears had stopped coming she had just felt empty inside.

“And besides, we would have been kicking ourselves if we hadn’t found it. It’s not really anyone’s fault, I don’t think. It’s just something that happened.” Sam went on.

Lara wandered across the room and flopped down on her bed, and felt a pang when Sam didn’t follow her, but instead hovered around the door. She patted the spot beside her, and Sam looked relieved and lay down.

“Did something happen, before you came?” Lara asked. Sam shook her head.

“No, I just… we’re not normal anymore, are we, Lara?”

Lara shook her head. “My therapist, well, my ex-therapist, he said that he had had many cases like mine, but he’s a fucking liar. It’s only me and you. I mean, Jonah and Reyes too, but they weren’t there like me and you were.”

“Yeah.” Sam hummed. “For me and you, it was sort of… I can’t explain it, but it’s like they only saw half of what was really going on on that island.”

“I killed so many people, Sam.” Lara muttered. “And I think the worst part is that I don’t even really feel sorry for them.”

“Don’t. They would’ve killed us. Or worse.” Sam said darkly, and the acrid smell of unwashed flesh filled Lara’s nostrils. She gripped Sam’s hand hard, grounding herself in reality.

Sam squeezed Lara’s hand back. 

By the time the sun went down that evening, Lara and Sam had made a decent amount of progress with Lara’s flat, with Sam doing most of the decorating, as Lara had never had an eye for that sort of thing. Sam had spent most of the day dictating what went where, and what colours matched. Lara felt that it might be becoming less her flat, and more 'Lara and Sam's' flat. That night, they fell into Lara’s new bed, under her crisp new sheets, and Lara felt like she was home. She felt softer, deserving of the word lover. 

Perhaps they would never go back to how they had been before, and really, how could they? Everything that had happened would be bound to change even the most grounded person. But Lara now felt less alone. 

That morning, Lara watched the sun rays dance across Sam’s naked skin, the same sun that had burned on Yamatai. The same sun that Himiko lived and died under. 

The same sun that Lara Croft had, against all odds, been made a survivor under.

**Author's Note:**

> im really writing this ship in 2020 huh.
> 
> this was meant to be a bit longer and with more angst but uuummmmmm... im feeling soft for lara x sam rn so its a happy ending :)
> 
> anyways ty for reading and find me on tumblr at dracopetal!


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